“Killer Klowns from Outer Space” begins by depicting a typical Friday night in small town, U.S.A.: underage drinking, teenage sex and alien comets crashing into Earth.
Much like a clown car containing countless powdered jokesters, the comet crash causes an unknown number of Killer Klowns to be released on Earth and also apparently erects a giant circus tent in the middle of the forrest.
Upon encountering a random circus tent in the middle of a forrest, all of the characters remain unfazed.
The inside of the tent is littered with bodies of victims encased in cotton candy and hung up like Leatherface from “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” with a sweet tooth.
The clowns have a pet balloon animal dog.
And also a popcorn gun to attack their prey.
“Popcorn? Why popcorn?”
“Because they’re clowns, that’s why.”
The graphics are ridiculous, the plot and dialogue is terrible and the actors are pathetic.
Amidst all of the ridiculous graphics, the movie still remains grounded in real issues – police brutality, gang violence, pedophilia – no stone remains unturned.
The Klowns terrorize the town as the authorities look on in blissful ignorance.
Huh, pigs.
Justin Timberlake must have been a fan though, because when one unsuspecting victim opens the door for who she thinks is the pizza delivery man, “Uh, it’s a klown in a box.”
Then as the Klowns go to a local bar, they are taunted by a vicious biker gang wearing jean jackets and handkerchiefs.
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| Don't do it, man |
The big, bad sharks (or maybe jets) challenge one of the Klowns to a fight and the Klown knocks the biker’s head off, like a real life game of Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots.
And in perhaps what is the only genuinely creepy part of the movie, a Klown plays peekaboo with a little girl as she is eating dinner with her family.
Please, don’t get me started. This is my nightmares manifesting themselves on my television screen.
In order to kill the Klowns, one must shoot them in the nose. The Klowns then proceed to implode in the most vibrant, technicolored fashion.
The finale of the movie is a giant, candy coated explosion of fun times that should be had by all. I’m not going to deprive you of that pleasure here.
I just have to ask the Klowns one thing: why can’t you use your magical cotton candy ray for good instead of the powers of evil?
Who knows maybe we could end world hunger or at least be able to provide a free, tasty treat to every fan, in every sporting arena, everywhere.
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