The Gore Gore Girls

Forty seconds into “The Gore Gore Girls,” a woman is brutally murdered in an act of sadistic violence which one could only describe as terrifying.

            Except it’s not.

            Not only is the whole sequence sound tracked by what sounds like smooth jazz in the background, but upon panning back to reveal the violence, the camera displays a disheveled papier-mâché doll in the girl’s place.

            The thing doesn’t even look human.

            The script is full of spitfire dialogue that probably laid the groundwork for Aaron Sorkin’s movies. The only problem is the actors seem to accentuate the wrong syllables with no real enthusiasm at all.

            The showgirls murder prompts The Globe reporter Nancy Weston to hire famed detective Abraham Gentry to track down the killer.

            These two are iconic.

At one point Gentry, bids farewell to Weston by saying, “Stay out of trees.”

            Maybe I’m not getting something.

            The movie follows Gentry as he goes from strip club to strip club investigating the increasing body count and trying to wave off the mounting advances from Weston.

            This movie is definitely a gentleman’s experience.

            Scenes abruptly end without paying any attention to continuity. Music playing in the background is stopped without any notice. One scene goes from nighttime to daytime in a matter of seconds.

            For all of its cheesiness, beware. The film is graphic.

            In addition to the many exposed breasts thrust onto the viewer, there is an equal amount of slit throats and smashed eyeballs. The violence doesn’t end at decapitation; the killer feels the need to tenderize the skull, sandwich an eyeball in between the pulverized pieces of meat and then slice the eye like an egg yolk.

            Although the violence is laughably amateurish compared to the” Saw”s and “Hostel”s of today’s cinema, the creativity behind such acts of murder can only be described as disturbingly insane.

            I sincerely hope whoever made this movie is locked up somewhere.

            After the killer is revealed, Gentry and Weston hook up. The will-they, won’t-they couple of the century will!

            If one feels the need to be utterly repulsed by a movie, go ahead and watch “The Gore Gore Girls” for the ridiculous amounts of (you guessed it) gore and terrible acting.

            If not, “stay out of trees.”